


I Can't Wash the Fears Away, but you Slow the Rapids

by LittleBlindMuffun



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, References to past trauma, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleBlindMuffun/pseuds/LittleBlindMuffun
Summary: Yes, Catra could technically bathe herself like a cat. But after you save the universe, it isn't the best idea to lick yourself clean from all of that grime. Fortunately, Adora is there to help her through getting into a bath. And even better, this one doesn't involve mind control.Or, 4k words of Catradora fluff and angst where Adora is patient with Catra, who is suffering from the trauma left from Horde Prime's mind control.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 205





	I Can't Wash the Fears Away, but you Slow the Rapids

**Author's Note:**

> I finished watching She-Ra last night and I am so soft. This is not proofread so sorry for any errors or inconsistencies, this just popped into my brain and it's 5am I just wrote for 4 hours. Please don't be like me. Get some sleep, I'm so tired I really couldn't think of a good title I'm sorry

“Catra?”

Adora stepped into the couple’s shared bedroom, closing the door behind her. She’d come home once again, after fixing up the damage done by Horde Prime and the Heart of Etheria. There had been so many late meetings, this was the earliest Adora had been in days. Adora took her place beside her lover. Catra was holding the blanket tightly against her body, her heterochromic gaze staring out their window. Watching the stars in the night sky. Adora set a soothing hand into her girlfriend’s short hair, threading the brown locks through her fingers, frowning at all of the knots embedded into it.

Catra sighed in contentment as Adora played with her hair, feeling her heart swelling with love despite her melancholy state. “Hey, Adora.” The magicat replied, a wary smile playing at her lips as her gaze shifted up to her girlfriend’s face.

“Was there… any reason you stayed here today?” Adora asked tentatively, moving her hand into the blanket and gently caressing one of Catra’s sensitive ear tufts. Usually Catra would have come with her while she helped the towns around Bright Moon, but she’d insisted on staying home today. Adora couldn’t blame her, she longed to stay in the castle for a day, too.

The brunette purred in delight, her tail swaying back and forth on its own volition. “No,” she said, a little too quickly. “I just wanted to get used to the castle.”

“Uh-huh,” Adora hummed. She stood up and extended her hand to the magicat, who gave her a confused look as she took it. Adora pulled her to her feet and moved her arms around Catra’s waist, trapping her.

Catra tensed, her eyes going wide with fear for a moment before she slowly copied the movement. It wasn’t anything new, but the close proximity still made her heart pound. She rested her head on Adora’s shoulder, her ears flattened as Adora spoke the words she  _ really _ didn’t want to hear right now.

“You need to shower tonight,” Adora mumbled, rubbing circles on Catra’s sides with her thumbs. “You’re starting to stink.”

Catra frowned, closing her eyes tight. Her body began to tremble in Adora’s grasp, her mind racing. “No,” she said, her tone fearful and breathless as she staggered back. Adora’s expression fell but she allowed Catra the distance. “I- I can’t.” Catra said, and Adora swore she’d never heard her best friend, her  _ lover, _ sound so weak before.

Adora’s gentle hand found its way to Catra’s arm, a soft, warm reminder that she was here. Standing with Adora. Not in whatever horrid place her mind trapped her in. Catra offered the blonde a nervous glance, pain shining in her eyes. It made Adora’s heart wrench. “Catra, we need to deal with this. I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise.”

The magicat averted her gaze, feeling tears prick her eyes. “Adora,” she whispered, fighting back the burning sensation of fear. “You won’t leave me?” She rasped, her throat suddenly dry. She looked back up at the other, forcing her eyes to stay locked onto Adora’s. If she was being forced to do this, there was no way she was doing it alone. Deep down, she’d known this would come soon, anyways. She couldn’t deny taking a  _ bath. _

“Of course,” the blonde replied, pulling Catra back into her arms, the blanket finally abandoning the brunette and settling on the floor. “I’d never make you do this alone. Does that mean I can get the bath ready now?” The hero beamed, and Catra nodded, her expression filled with adoration. Adora smiled, bright and genuine, before she rushed off to their impressively large bathroom. Living in the Bright Moon castle had been a change, for sure, but a welcomed one. It was comfy, and big. Even with all the bright colors that made Catra cringle a little

The magicat sighed and fell backwards onto the bed, running her hands through her short brown hair. It tangled up and made her groan, quickly getting irritated. She sat up and heard the water running in the bathroom, making her shiver. She picked up the blanket and fixed up the bed, listening to whatever random tune Adora was humming. The water stopped and Adora stepped into the room, waving Catra over. The brunette hesitated, but found herself walking forward, claws clicking against the floor.

Adora pressed a quick kiss to Catra’s temple, pulling her into the bathroom. Glimmer had taken her mother’s room after her passing, which held the biggest bathroom, but there was still well over enough room for the two to comfortably fit. Catra suspiciously eyed the bath, taking in the smell of the bathroom. “What did you add?” She mumbled to Adora, the other pulling her hair tie from her blonde locks and setting it aside.

“Huh?” she asked, then snapped her fingers. “Oh! Just some essential oils and whatnot. Is it calming?”

Catra seemed indifferent about the aroma, but nodded. “Yeah. Smells like…” She squinted, unsure.

“Roses?” Adora smiled a bit, chuckling. “They’re supposed to.”

Catra blinked. She hadn’t smelled a rose before. “Yeah. It’s nice.” She sounded a bit indifferent, but it really was a nice smell. Pleasant, and like life.

  
  
  
  


Catra hesitated, her eyes widening as a pang of fear struck her heart. She stepped away from the water, her mind flashing, the white-skulled man watching her wade into the green water. She was alone again, held by mindless clones as she was forced into the electric pool of green water, her mind forced to become melded with the same system as those beasts. Controlling her, making her hurt Adora, and forcing Catra to fall, chipped, an aching, burning sensation before she-

A shrill cry left Catra’s throat, backing up until she hit the wall, collapsing to her knees. Tears pricked her eyes, her body trembling, her claws digging into her arms.

Adora was at her side, speaking, saying  _ something. _ Catra tried to focus on it, catching a few words as old static crackled in her ears. She could hear him inside of her, his voice in  _ her _ body, that violating feeling of being so helpless in her own skin. How could she forget that? How could she forget losing  _ everything, _ everyone she had once loved, and finally losing herself. She had wanted to be good, she had tried, only to be ripped away and torn down  _ again and again and again. _ She’d never change, she’d never have a different skin, she’d be burdened by these weights forever, wouldn’t she? She’d attacked Adora, her oldest friend, she’d tried to kill them time and time again, lost in her self-loathing and abandonment, lost in her suffering with the horde. Everyone she’d ever cared about had stabbed her in the back, anyways. Double Trouble, Scorpia, Shadow Weaver,  _ Adora. _ No matter what she did, no matter how  _ good _ she was, she’d always be alone again. She’d never be worth enough to keep around. She’d chased them all away, it was  _ her _ doing, and Catra knew that. She hadn’t regretted it because she was sure, so sure, that she’d have died by know. She had been so sure that either the portal or the heart would have killed everybody, she had never expected to make it this far. Now she was suffering the consequences of her insanity, of her actions during her lowest moments.

Adora pulled Catra into her lap, wiping the tears away, still talking to her. “Did you hear me, kitty?” She tried, running a hand through the shortened locks, taking one of the fluffy hands into her’s and holding on. They’d never used pet names, but it definitely pulled Catra back to her, even if it was just in a moment of confusion at the name. “I’m here, Catra. I’m here for you.” She pulled the hand up to her lips and gave it a gentle kiss, feeling the grip tighten. “Come back to me, Catra. It’s just me. It’s Adora.” She rubbed circles on Catra’s hand with her thumb, her other arm caressing the magicat’s waist. “I’m not going anywhere, Catra. I won’t leave you again, you’re safe here.” She rested Catra’s hand on her knee, taking her free hand to move against the trembling girl’s cheek. “You don’t need to cry, I’m here for you. Talk to me, okay? You’re in Bright Moon, you’re safe, Catra. You’re  _ home. _ ” Ocean blue and sunny yellow orbs flickered open, a flash of hope for Adora, before they slammed shut again and tears fell down her cheeks, her body shaking hard enough to match an earthquake. The poor girl in Adora’s arms continued to hyperventilate, sweat sticking to her dirty fur. “Catra, sweetheart, open your eyes. Look at me,” Adora said, her voice surprisingly calm and soft, allowing Catra some time to process.

Slowly, the tan girl’s eyes opened again, immediately scanning her surroundings. She’d seen them all just seconds ago- everyone who wanted her dead. So many people had been surrounding her, swarming her, suffocating her in their hatred. Instead of a moshpit of angry souls, Catra was met with the kind, gray eyes of Adora. She blinked a few times, her brain recovering from going haywire.

“Catra?” Adora said slowly, tilting her head a little as she watched the brunette focus.

The sight made Catra’s lips quirk up in the tiniest, deranged smile. One of those maniacal, terrified smiles you make when you feel like you’re on the edge of insanity and try to laugh it off. She hadn’t made one of those smiles in so long. “Hey, Adora,” she panted, her spine trembling with the chills skittering across it. Catra focused on her shaking hands, eyes wide and fearful, focusing on trying to keep them still. “What’s happening to me?” She whispered, unable to keep them steady, or feel them, for that matter. Her eyes ached, her chest burning, feeling tight and tense around her heart.

Adora’s strong arms wrapped around her, slow and endearing, and the magicat buried her head into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. “I love you,” Adora mumbled, rubbing the other’s back, her hands mapping out the tense muscles. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“I love you too.” Catra choked out, wiping her tears with her closer hand.

“We don’t have to try again.” Adora said, pulling away from the hug while still holding Catra’s broad shoulders. “We can wait another day.”   
Catra shook her head. “No, no! I’m okay, I don’t- I don’t want to be a burden.”  _ Fuck. _ She hadn’t meant to blurt out  _ that. _ Catra leaned back, her gaze falling to the floor. “I want to help you fix everything. I was- such a big cause, I…” her voice trailed off as she closed her eyes, inhaling deeply, the scented air filling her nose and cleansing her mind for a moment. “I want to get over this. I’m not weak.”

Adora gave a sweet, tender smile, standing up and offering Catra her hand. “Never said you were,” she beamed, helping the brunette to her feet. She looked at the bathtub and back at Catra. An idea sparked in her head, and she grinned mischievously at the quivering feline, who immediately noticed and gave her a suspicious look.

The blonde moved be in front of Catra, her hands on Catra’s hips. The magicat’s back was to the tub, her eyes trained onto Adora’s. A slight blush warmed her cheeks, her attention now fully grasped as Adora slowly, step by step, eased her backwards. The hero leaned close, speaking into Catra’s ear. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” She spoke, sending a pleasant shudder through her girlfriend. The pale girl’s hands moved slow and steady up her lover’s sides, continuing to speak. “I mean,  _ seriously, _ you’re gorgeous, Catra. I’m so lucky to have you here with me.” She took Catra’s hand and moved it up to caress her pale, tilted cheek, and for a moment it felt far too much like Double Trouble, back in the horde. Catra’s breath hitched before she met Adora’s eyes. Of course,  _ Adora’s  _ eyes _ , _ filled with joy and so, so much love. Her smile wasn’t the sarcastic one Catra had been shown-  _ “left you,” _ \- but rather the smile of a proud girlfriend, and that was something that took the brunette by surprise. The word proud had never been told to her in a way that felt true. And yet (or due to that), pride was something Catra had been looking for her whole life.  _ Pride, reassurance, guidance, love. _ And when she’d been abandoned by the only person who had shown her that, who had given her what she’d needed most, for some  _ no-good, friend-stealing princesses- _

Catra breathed. She took a deep breath and focused. Adora. Adora, in front of her, slowly guiding her backwards, soft lips  _ so close, just come a little closer, _ her endearing gaze no longer boiling with the animosity and betrayal that Catra had been so accustomed to. Catra could now feel Adora’s breath on her, and she realized that the entire time they’d been taking slow steps back, Adora had been complimenting her. Talking to her. She finally processed the words and realized that her girlfriend had gone off-topic, now ranting about nonsense, then suddenly about seeing Kyle and Lonnie and Rogelio again and finally rekindling their friendship (which, if we’re being honest, Catra wanted as well) and so happy to finally be free. Then she caught Catra’s warm, bicolored gaze, and refocused.

“You’re beautiful,” Adora said, “all of the pain was worth it, you know. We’re safe now, we can be happy now. We can get through this, together.” She smiled, so pure and full of hope. “I won’t leave you again. Never again, Catra. Everything that happened to us- I’d do it all again so long as I get to have my peace with you. Every mistake, every conflict, as long as we end up here, I can go through it.” Catra felt tears prick her eyes once more, much like they were doing to Adora’s. “What about you, Catra?”

“Yes,” the brunette replied, almost without realizing it. “Everything, everything for you- Shadow Weaver, Hordak, Horde Prime, everything. I love you. I’d do it again if it means I get to have this, have you.” She was rambling, wasn’t she? Catra cursed herself for it. She’d let her walls down too much, she’d spoken without thinking and now Adora was going to realize how overbearing she was and leave her here again.

Instead, Adora’s smile grew, so sweet and happy and  _ god did Catra really cause that? _ It brightened up the room, cheery gray eyes flashing a powerful, radiant blue for a second, making Catra’s heart skip a beat. Their lips locked and Catra realized she was sitting on the cold surface of the bathtub’s smooth rim. She must have been for a while now. Her arms went around the blonde’s waist, staying together until they struggled for air. Despite that, they kept it warm, gentle, loving, all of the things Catra needed from her girlfriend right now. She looked behind her, tensing at the sight of bubbly water, possibly cold by now. It felt like hours had passed- even if, as Adora knew, it had maybe been about fifteen minutes.

“Are you ready?” Adora’s voice, so loving and patient, almost breathless after that kiss. Catra hesitated. Despite what she said, she  _ wasn’t _ ready. She wasn’t ready to face that again, to have the memories flashing in her eyes again that night.

“Slowly,” she breathed, her tail fluffing up at the tip. “Can we do this slow, Adora?” Bad grammar, but her point was made. Adora nodded, and Catra breathed a sigh of relief.

Adora moved to the edge of the tub, and took Catra’s hand. The magicat’s ears flattened against her skull as, together, their hands slowly moved towards the water. Bubbles fizzled around the edge, the scent of  _ life _ radiating from it calming Catra’s nerves a bit. Better than nothing. She closed her eyes, trusting Adora’s lead. Once the pads of her fingers touched the familiar surface, she yelped and pulled away, her tail spiking up in alarm and eyes going wide. Adora looked at her with a panicked gaze, but she noticed Catra hadn’t pulled away.

“Your own speed, Catra.” Adora said, rubbing the brunette’s arm. “Try again when you’re ready.”

It took a minute for her nerves to settle. The water looked nothing like the electric green pool that had stripped away Catra’s mind, her will, any freedom that she had possessed. She glanced at Adora, who was watching her silently. No judgement was held in her eyes.  _ Pride _ , Catra realized. She looked so proud of Catra. The multicolored eyes landed on the water again, and she slowly reached forward. She knew it was harmless, she  _ knew _ it wouldn’t hurt her. But after everything, her mind was in survival mode, no room for reason, only for what Catra knows right now. And the last time she’d associated with water, it wasn’t the best. Her fingers touched the water, claws embedded into the liquid. Her lip wavered and she tried to focus. Everything else in the room was so warm and safe, and this should be nothing different. Catra breathed a sigh of relief, matching Adora’s.

“You’re doing so good,” Adora praised, making Catra smile. “Come on, let’s get these clothes off, okay?” She chuckled. Catra felt her face heat up, but nodded. It only took a few minutes for them to undress each other, and Adora, being the lovestruck idiot she is, had to spend a couple more kissing along Catra’s body. Of course, the magicat adored the affection, and Adora knew that. But that didn’t mean the brunette had to admit it.

“Do you want me to go in first?” Adora asked, finished with making Catra blush and squirm with well-placed kisses.

Catra’s breath hitched. She swallowed the lump in her throat and pulled her hand away. “I don’t know. Together?”

Adora smiled, no judgement in her eyes. “Of course. Ready?” She asked, extending a hand to Catra.

“Yes,” Catra replied, accepting the tight grip Adora had.

Adora stepped into the water.  _ Okay, _ Catra thought,  _ easy start. Leg. _ She followed in and flinched, her clawed foot jerking away from the water.

A pale hand cupped her cheek, and nervous bicolored eyes met sweet gray. “Breathe with me, okay? In for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight.”

Catra blinked in confusion, but obeyed. She inhaled deeply for four seconds, then held it. She slipped her furred leg into the water in the meantime, shivering at the sensation. She exhaled.

“Perfect,” Adora grinned, stepping her other leg in. “Breathe.”

So Catra breathed with her, again. It felt much easier now, and her other leg followed. Her and Adora stood in the tub for a minute, just breathing. The brunette felt much more relaxed now. The memories seemed to seep out as the tension in her muscles relaxed, letting her mind finally find some peace. He was really gone. Nothing to fear, no pain to avoid.

Slowly, Adora sat down. Catra grimaced, unsure about the sudden change in pace. She eased down, inch by inch, still focusing on breathing with Adora. No electric shocks, no chanting, no pain. Just a magicat and her stupid, adorable, reckless girlfriend. Before Catra knew it, she was fully seated. The position was awkward, with her still facing Adora. Her tail was also submerged, and it felt much more sensitive to the water than the rest of her skin did. With a soft and nervous laugh, Catra turned around, her back pressed against Adora’s front.

“This is perfect.” Catra wasn’t sure who said it. Maybe they both did. They both sighed a relieved breath, and Adora wrapped her arms around Catra’s chest. She could get used to this.

“I’m so proud of you.” Adora said. And those words made Catra’s heart swell with pride, tears pricking her eyes. She’d always been so sensitive to those words; she’d ached for them her entire life, and the only ones who had ever said ‘proud’ to her were the people who used her. But the way Adora breathed it out was all she ever wanted. So loving, so sweet and  _ honest. _ Every soft word Adora spoke made Catra feel so  _ safe _ .

“Who wouldn’t be? I turned to the good side.” Catra remarked playfully, but her broken voice betrayed her. Adora stirred and Catra immediately grabbed her girlfriend’s legs from beside her, pushing them back down. “I’m fine,” she assured, turning her head. Tears stung in the corners of her eyes, making Adora’s face twist with concern, but a small, happy smile was plastered across Catra’s face. “I just… really liked hearing that.”

Adora’s heart seized and collapsed, tears forming in her own eyes. She pulled Catra close and rested her head in the crook of the brunette’s neck, nuzzling against the lightly furred skin. Catra wouldn’t admit how much she enjoyed that. Likewise, Adora would never admit how she loved Catra’s fur. It was short, but so soft and fuzzy like a magicat pillow. It didn’t stand out much as fur, either, unless the wind was making it obvious or unless you actually touched Catra (which is almost certainly a death wish 90% of the time), you could easily think it’s just skin with markings, which isn’t exactly uncommon. Either way, Adora could never get enough of it.

“This is nice,” the blonde broke the silence, kissing Catra’s neck. “But we need to actually bathe.” She laughed, rubbing Catra’s back with one hand. “As much as I really, really wish we could sit here and cuddle all day. You ready for me to clean you?”   
Catra couldn’t hold back her grin, her eyebrows furrowed in a teasing look. “You’re going to clean me?” She laughed, grateful for the affection. “I think you’re just looking for any excuse to get your hands on me.” She smirked, leaning up to Adora’s reddened face and pecking her lips. “But yes, I’m ready. And I think I’m also ready to start… confronting..” she trailed off and gave a confused shrug. “The past, I guess?”   
Adora smiled and kissed Catra’s forehead in response, making the other blush as well. She grabbed the shampoo. “That’s amazing. Wanna talk about it while I wash your hair?”   
Catra groaned playfully, letting out her little high-pitched laugh again. She wasn’t thinking about the water anymore. “No, please Adora, I don’t want to.”

Adora smiled, shaking her head. “I am  _ not _ getting into bed with you unless you wash  _ everything. _ ”

A smirk formed on Catra’s face. “Everything?” She echoed. “And you’re washing it all? You know what that means, don’t you, princess?” She teased, her tail coming out from the depths and flicking Adora’s chest. She quickly moved forward and leaned her head down, getting it wet the lazy person way before she moved to be sitting up again. It took some force to make herself put her head close to the water, though.

The blonde laughed, genuinely laughed, and popped open the bottle. “You’re so dirty,” she grinned, squeezing a glob of clear shampoo onto her hand and closing the bottle. She set it back on the ledge of the tub, where little shelves were. “Now come on, tell me what you were thinking,  _ wildcat. _ ” She retorted, beginning to scrub into Catra’s damp hair.

“Gross.” The magicat huffed out at the nickname, unable to hold back her smile. Her girlfriend’s hands in her hair felt nice. “So, maybe you weren’t wrong about...”

━━━━*⃝̥┈┈┈𖥸┈♡┈𖥸┈┈┈*⃝̥━━━━

The couple slipped into bed, both girls only in underwear and sports bras. They had stayed up after their bath talking and blow drying Catra’s fur (which puffed up a bit anyways, which Adora found adorable), and they had happily reached their middle ground. Adora’s arms wrapped around Catra, who snuggled into Adora’s chest with a content purr. It was quiet, and it felt intimate to be sharing a moment like this. Even after they’d shut down the heart, there had been so much grief, so many distractions, the duo hadn’t had time to be together like this. Laying in bed, side by side. But now, after their risks, they had definitely received reward. They wouldn’t trade this moment for the world. Finally, sleeping in the same bed again; in this intimate position rather than Catra curled up at Adora’s feet. That’s how it was after the heart was shut down, too, since Adora was often out late fixing up the mess. Catra had been helping too, but she had always been the first one home due to Adora being needed at late night meetings. The magicat was beyond overjoyed to be in Adora’s arms, to not only see each other on opposite sides of a battlefield. Their suffering was over. They could be in peace, and tomorrow, they’d help fix the world. But tonight, for the first time in years, they could sleep together, only love between them.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, this is the first fanfiction I've ever posted online! Please tell me if there's tags I should add, I honestly have NO IDEA what to put. Constructive criticism is appreciated <3 I hope you enjoyed these 4k words of feels and whatnot, 5am me is very soft tonight


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